Are you in an imbalanced relationship where one of you depends too much on the other?
Watch this video to learn what makes a codependent relationship and how to break the pattern:
What is Codependency?
Codependency is essentially the loss of oneself to the relationship. A codependent relationship is one in which both parties are trapped in a cycle of enabling the other person, or being enabled, to continue with a unhealthy behavioral pattern. Usually someone does this as a way to gain the love of or avoid being hurt by others. It’s when you say “yes” to something when you don’t really want to do because you think another person will not like/love you or will hurt you if you say “no”.
For instance, a mother overprotects and supports her adult son in order to feel needed and valued, and he allows her to continue to do so because it feels good to be supported. Or a woman who constantly makes excuses for her alcoholic husband, because she feels that he needs her. He enjoys not having to take responsibility. Or any relationship where one person is giving too much, while the other person is taking too much. The giver feels generous (but also somewhat drained and resentful), and the taker enjoys receiving (but also grows weaker from being over supported).
In all cases, both parties in the relationship feel compelled to continue their behavioral pattern, even though it’s costing them their freedom and sense of self. It harms both people in the long-term, but it continues, even when they know this consciously, because it meets each person’s short-term needs.
Some of the most common problems faced by couples in a codependent relationship include the loss of passion or sexual attraction, growing resentment or contempt, poor communication and lack of mutual understanding, or simply lack of romance or boredom. Frequently, these issues have identifiable causes and can therefore be resolved, so that a fulfilling intimate relationship can be restored.
Effects of Codependency
The most common motivations of codependent behavior are to feel loved and accepted by others, or to feel safe. Usually, it’s grounded in self-esteem issues. In the long run, codependent relationships leave us feeling less appreciated and less safe. In short, we experience just the opposite of what we believe we will get by compromising ourselves with others. In the moment, we may feel as if we are being loved because we get positive responses from those that we are trying to impress, but those responses are not about our authentic self. We know we are being inauthentic and feel the only way we can be loved is to be different from who we really are.
This reality makes us feel even more unlovable, which often leads to our participating more in the codependent behavior. This cycle leads codependent behavior to become an addiction for many people. We end up compromising ourselves for the short-term fix of feeling like a “good” or “giving” person, or even avoiding rejection. We also feel less safe because we have to constantly stay on our toes trying to figure out what everyone around us wants from us.
How We Can Help
At Goodwin Hypnosis, we will help you find the love and safety that you have always sought by helping you learn how to step into your personal power and set healthy boundaries. This involves building self-worth and dissolving the fear of judgment or rejection. Using hypnosis, we can quickly target the root causes of your unhealthy relationship pattern and change your limiting beliefs so you can feel stronger and better about yourself. Once you feel this greater sense of self-worth and healthy self-esteem, it’s easier to establish effective boundaries, and you will no longer feel the need to compromise yourself to gain someone’s love or approval.
Tika, a past client, described her experience here:
“This was a great experience for me. i have worked with many types of therapists over the last 20 years for my own growth work. Todd really helped further set clear and guilt free boundaries around my mother especially. this has helped tremendously to stay calm with her and give her what i can with love and peace – no more and no less. this healing within myself in my relationship with my mother has in turn helped become a better mom to my 3 daughters, one of which has ADHD. i am am more calm, peaceful, and loving daughter, wife, and mom. thank you Todd!”